By Henrieta Haniskova, Former Nurse, Certified Clinical Aromatherapist, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner

In short: Motherhood changes your brain, nervous system, your body and your sense of who you are and the transition takes much longer than we imagine. When a baby is born, so is a mother. And both of you need care and tenderness.

Motherhood has us saying: I'm still the same person I was before the baby, except I'm also not at all.

Matrescence is the name for the developmental transition of becoming a mother. Anthropologist Dana Raphael introduced the term in the 1970s, and research is beginning to show how deeply the transition reaches.

What is matrescence?

It is the years-long reorganizing of your brain, nervous system, body and sense of who you are, similar to how adolescence reorganized them. Dana Raphael's idea was that when a baby is born, a mother is born too, and we need care as much as our babies do. Raphael also helped bring the word "doula" into everyday use.

That was more than fifty years ago, and many of us have still never heard the word. Psychologist Aurelie Athan at Columbia University's Teachers College and psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks brought it back, and more researchers study it every year.

What happens in your brain?

Most of us know pregnancy changes the body. Hardly anyone tells us it changes the brain. Neuroscientist Elseline Hoekzema and her team (2017) scanned the brains of first-time mothers before and after pregnancy. They found changes in gray matter, in areas involved in understanding other people, and the changes lasted at least two years. The size of the changes predicted some measures of attachment after birth. That suggests the brain is adapting to the work of caring for a baby. The comparison to adolescence is interesting, the brain also reorganizes for a new stage of life.

A 2025 study (Servin-Barthet and colleagues) followed 127 women through pregnancy, with scans from before they conceived to six months after birth. Gray matter dipped in late pregnancy and only partly recovered by six months, following estrogen. Researchers are still learning what lasts and what the changes are for.

What happens in the rest of your body?

I am a somatic experiencing practitioner and an aromatherapist. My focus is the nervous system, the network that carries signals between your brain and the rest of your body. Brain scans show that our brains respond to our own babies in areas tied to reward, attention and emotion. Research on new parents finds that preoccupation with the baby peaks close to birth, then declines by about the third month. I understand this as a whole-body state of attunement. Attention, sleep, sound, touch and the nervous system begin organizing around the baby's cues, although the experience and its intensity differ from one mother to the next.

How long that takes to settle is different for every mother. Autistic mothers recall a higher sensory load that returns after birth. Mothers with ADHD are somewhat more likely to be diagnosed with postpartum depression, anxiety or stress-related disorders. Highly sensitive mothers report more depressive symptoms, and support from a partner goes with fewer. For all of us, support from the people around us makes a real difference.

That is why we need a stretch of support and recovery, and why bouncing back quickly was never a realistic plan.

Why is matrescence bigger than most explanations say?

Most explanations stop at a physical, emotional and identity change. Athan's 2024 definition goes much further. It includes biological, neurological, psychological, social, cultural, economic, moral, ecological, existential and spiritual change.

Nearly every part of your life moves at the same time: your body, your brain, your money, your friendships, what matters to you. You emerge as a different woman, just as you emerged from adolescence a different person.

Does matrescence change you at work?

It can, and much of that change is growth. In a survey of working mothers by Mothered Media, the skills mothers said grew the most after having children were time management, managing their resources and energy, negotiation, communication, prioritization and handling conflict. Alexa Starks, founder of Mothered Media and editor-in-chief of Mothered Magazine, points out that these are skills companies pay millions of dollars to develop in their leaders.

What does it feel like?

Love can arrive with a force that startles. Grief can live beside it, sometimes in the same hour: the old routines, the unbroken sleep, the ease of leaving the house alone. Both are true.

The days also fill with questions. Is my baby warm enough? What should I eat if I'm nursing? Which waiting list do I need to join? The mental load belongs to matrescence too.

How does a baby learn to calm down?

Most of us have watched it happen. A baby cries all day and we are frazzled and exhausted. Then a rested partner, grandparent or doula walks in, lifts the baby, and within minutes the baby settles. That is co-regulation. A newborn cannot calm down alone yet, so they borrow calm from whoever holds them.

Adults do it too. Think of concerts, sports games and dance floors, where a whole crowd rises and settles together. For a baby, closeness to a calm person is how their own nervous system learns to calm down. You can read more about what your nervous system is telling you after birth in A Touch More About Early Motherhood.

A baby can borrow calm from a partner, a grandparent, a doula or anyone who feels safe, and we can borrow it too. Caregiving asks a great deal of one nervous system. Other people do more than give us a break. Their presence becomes part of the steadiness available to the whole family.

How long does matrescence last?

It takes years. Adolescence took years, and matrescence lasts as long or longer. It comes in stages I call crossings. Each time your child reaches a new stage, like solid food, crawling, weaning or starting childcare, your role changes too. It is a big step for your child and a big change for you, and the world usually notices only the child's.

Many cultures marked this change with a protected time of rest, help and recognition, often about forty days, and many modern cultures dropped the custom. One way to name the three great chapters of a woman's life is maiden, mother and wise woman. Each begins with hormonal changes that reshape the body, brain and sense of self, and matrescence is the middle one.

Why has this stayed hidden for so long?

Dana Raphael gave this passage a name more than fifty years ago, but the language did not enter ordinary conversations about motherhood. Without it, experiences shared by many women remained private. They were carried as something to push through rather than recognized as part of a profound developmental change.

Does it start before the baby arrives?

It can. Athan's definition begins before conception and runs through pregnancy, birth, adoption, surrogacy and the years after.

What helps?

A change this big needs time, people around us, and care alongside whatever medical support we have.

Caregiving asks more of our nervous systems than they held before, and our capacity has to grow. A baby cannot regulate alone yet. Their nervous system depends on ours, borrowing steadiness through our touch, voice, breath and response until those repeated experiences begin to build the child's own capacity. The more ways we have to return to regulation, the more regulation becomes available to our babies.

That capacity grows through use, and it grows better with support. Sleep, nourishment, moments of repair and other steady people around the family give our nervous systems somewhere to replenish while they do this enormous developmental work.

Matrescence is a normal change. Postpartum anxiety and depression are health conditions that can happen during it, and they are treatable. If what you feel seems like more than the change itself, tell your doctor or midwife today. If you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, call or text 988 (in the US and Canada) or your local emergency number right away. You can also call or text the Postpartum Support International HelpLine at 1-800-944-4773, which serves the US and Canada. A trained volunteer will return your message.

Some support can come through moments we already have. The bath you were going to take, the 3am feed, the butter you were going to put on: each can tell your body it is safe. You add nothing to your day. A routine is something we do, and a ritual is a routine that carries meaning.

Why I build everything around this

I trained as a nurse, became a certified clinical aromatherapist and work as a somatic experiencing practitioner. In my mind the three belong together: skin, scent, touch and the nervous system are one conversation. Warm water holding tired muscles, butter melting into skin, a scent that reaches you before words do: that is what I make. The First 40 Days Ritual follows the old tradition of protecting the first forty days.

If it feels like you are taking too long to find your feet, remember that this change takes years. All of us need time and support to get through it.

Motherhood is long and this season has many layers. The Inner Circle is where I write to you each week as this season unfolds. Each letter brings research and reflection, a short practice you can use in real life, and one practical idea for the week ahead. Free to join.

Join the Inner Circle →

Frequently Asked Questions

What is matrescence?

Matrescence is the developmental passage of becoming a mother. Like adolescence, it changes your body, hormones, brain, relationships and sense of identity, and it unfolds over years. Anthropologist Dana Raphael named it in the 1970s, and psychologist Aurelie Athan describes it as spanning biological, neurological, psychological, social and spiritual change.

Who coined the term matrescence?

Medical anthropologist Dana Raphael coined it in a 1970s essay, describing the birth of a mother alongside the birth of a baby. The word was largely forgotten until psychologist Aurelie Athan of Teachers College, Columbia University, and psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks brought it back into wide use.

Is matrescence real?

Yes. It is a recognized developmental concept studied by psychologists, psychiatrists and neuroscientists. Brain imaging shows structural changes in pregnancy that last at least two years after birth and predicted measures of attachment. Research using the word has grown quickly in recent years.

How long does matrescence last?

Researchers describe a passage that lasts years. Brain changes are still measurable two years after birth. Your role reorganizes again with each stage your child enters, such as solids, walking, weaning or childcare. A new baby begins a new round.

Is matrescence the same as postpartum depression?

Matrescence is a normal developmental passage. Postpartum depression and anxiety are health conditions that can happen during it, and they are treatable. Mixed feelings belong to matrescence, while persistent low mood, panic or thoughts of harm need care. Talk to your doctor or midwife, and seek urgent help if you feel unsafe.

Does matrescence happen with every baby?

It can begin again. Athan's definition covers pregnancy, birth, adoption, surrogacy and the years afterward. A second or third baby changes your family, your time and your capacity again. Many of us meet a new round of the same passage with each child.

Sources

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