From Maiden to Mother: The Silent Transformation No One Prepares You For

The Journey No One Talks About

Becoming a mother is one of the most profound, soul-altering transformations a woman can experience. But unlike other life transitions—graduating, getting married, starting a new job—this one is often met with silence, unrealistic expectations, and a crushing weight of responsibility that we’re simply expected to endure.

We prepare for birth. We read the books. We set up the nursery. We stockpile tiny clothes and swaddle blankets. But nothing, absolutely nothing, prepares us for the loss of who we once were.

This is matrescence—the rite of passage into motherhood, an internal shift so deep that it reshapes our body, our mind, our emotions, our relationships, our very identity. And yet, the world barely acknowledges it.

I want to talk about it.

I want to validate what you feel but don’t always have the words for. The confusion, the overwhelm, the bone-deep exhaustion, the guilt of loving your baby but longing for a part of yourself you can’t seem to find anymore.

I’ve been there.

I want you to know you’re not alone. And more than that—I want to give you tools to help you through this transition, because no mother should have to navigate this passage in silence.

Matrescence: A Transformation as Intense as Adolescence

The term "matrescence" was first coined in the 1970s by anthropologist Dana Raphael, but for decades, it was ignored. Only recently has it started gaining recognition in maternal psychology as a necessary way to understand what mothers go through​.

If adolescence is the transformation from child to adult, then matrescence is the transformation from woman to mother. And just like adolescence, it is:
✔ Messy
✔ Emotional
✔ Unstable
✔ Filled with rapid hormonal shifts
✔ A complete reshaping of identity

But there’s one key difference: People expect adolescents to be moody, to struggle, to take time to “figure themselves out.” Mothers? We’re expected to bounce back. Smile. Keep the house together. Be grateful.

We love our babies. But that doesn’t erase the fact that we are also changing.

🔸 This shift isn’t new—but the conversation around it is. For decades, women have gone through matrescence silently, each generation told to “just get through it.” But something changed in recent years.

🔸 The pandemic brought it to the surface like never before. With the world shutting down, many mothers lost the little support they had, left to navigate motherhood in total isolation. The weight of caregiving, homeschooling, and relentless demands pushed maternal overwhelm into full-blown crisis mode.

🔸 Now, researchers are paying attention. New studies and books are emerging on matrescence, recognizing that what mothers endured during the pandemic wasn’t just exhaustion—it was an unacknowledged rite of passage that had been dismissed for far too long​​.

For me, that shift hit like an earthquake.

A Mother’s Heart Needs Healing, Too

No one talks about the mother’s heart—not just the love she has for her child, but her emotional, physical, and nervous system heart.

When a mother collapses under the weight of matrescence, the entire home feels it. Because mothers are the heartbeat of the home.

So how do we care for this heart?

It’s not about waiting for support to magically appear. It’s about creating a support system for ourselves.

I’ll be sharing a full heart-healing protocol in my next post—a set of practices, rituals, and mindset shifts that will help you rebuild your energy, your emotional resilience, and your sense of self.

But for now, I want you to sit with this:

❤️ You are not alone.
❤️ Your feelings are valid.
❤️ You are not meant to disappear inside of motherhood.
❤️ You are still YOU, and you deserve care just as much as your baby does.

What Comes Next: A Path to Healing

In my next blog post, I’ll share a practical healing protocol for mothers navigating matrescence.

✔ Self-care practices for emotional balance
✔ Nervous system support to reduce stress and overwhelm
✔ Nutritional recovery to help rebuild energy and mental clarity
✔ Heart-centered rituals to help you reconnect with yourself

This is not about adding another “to-do” to your list. It’s about giving yourself permission to be cared for, too.

Motherhood is not the end of you. It’s a transformation. And you are still whole, worthy, and enough.

To dive deeper into this topic, I recommend this book: 

Matrescence: On Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

by Lucy Jones

Published May 7th, 2024

Final Words for Mama

If you’re struggling, if you’re feeling lost, if you miss who you used to be—I see you.

Your feelings are real. They are valid. And they do not mean you are failing.

This is matrescence. It is messy. It is painful. But it is also a birth—a birth of YOU.

And you are allowed to take your time finding yourself again.

With love,
Henrieta

Sources:

A critical need for the concept of matrescence in perinatal psychiatry