What Self-Care Really Is—And Why Most of Us Get It Wrong

You pour every ounce of yourself into your child. From the moment they were placed in your arms, their needs became your compass. You wake up to their cries, soothe their fears, anticipate their hunger before they can even speak the words. But somewhere along the way, something happened.

Maybe you stopped eating full meals, grabbing bites between diaper changes. Maybe you started running on caffeine because deep, uninterrupted sleep is a thing of the past. Maybe you feel like a version of yourself you barely recognize—depleted, exhausted, hanging on but unsure how to refill your own cup.

Here’s what no one tells you: self-care isn’t a luxury. It’s the thing that keeps you standing.

Why We Get Self-Care All Wrong

For years, we’ve been sold the idea that self-care is pampering—bubble baths, spa days, a night out. But real self-care isn’t about escaping your life. It’s about incorporating small daily rituals that fill you with joy and peace and building a life you don’t have to escape from.

It’s not an extra. It’s a biological need.

The Science of Why Mothers Burn Out

Your body is wired to put your child first. Oxytocin, the love hormone, floods your system, deepening attachment and sharpening your instincts. It’s what makes their cries unbearable, what keeps you going on empty. But oxytocin also quiets your own needs. It makes over-giving feel natural—until you wake up one day completely drained.

Pair that with cortisol, the stress hormone that spikes with sleep deprivation and constant demands, and you have a recipe for burnout. Over time, your nervous system pays the price, leading to anxiety, hormonal imbalances, and even long-term health issues.

Self-care isn’t about indulgence. It’s about survival.

The Science of Why Mothers Burn Out

Your body is wired to put your child first. Oxytocin, the love hormone, floods your system, deepening attachment and sharpening your instincts. It’s what makes their cries unbearable, what keeps you going on empty. But oxytocin also quiets your own needs. It makes over-giving feel natural—until you wake up one day completely drained.

Pair that with cortisol, the stress hormone that spikes with sleep deprivation and constant demands, and you have a recipe for burnout. Over time, your nervous system pays the price, leading to anxiety, hormonal imbalances, and even long-term health issues.

Self-care isn’t about indulgence. It’s about survival.

What Self-Care Really Looks Like

Mothers need more than a break. They need replenishment on every level:

• • Physical self-care: Sleep, nourishing food, movement, and medical check-ups—because your body isn’t invincible.

  • Emotional self-care: Letting yourself feel. Crying when you need to. Talking to someone who listens without judgment.

  • Mental self-care: Reading, learning, processing your thoughts so your mind doesn’t feel like a cluttered room.

  • Spiritual self-care: Whether it’s prayer, meditation, or time in nature, reconnecting with something bigger than the daily grind.

  • Creative self-care: Writing, painting, singing, knitting—whatever reminds you that you’re more than just a caretaker.

  • Social self-care: Seeking out people who see you, who lift you up, who remind you that you don’t have to do this alone.

  • Sensory self-care: Reducing overstimulation by turning down noise, dimming lights, stepping outside for fresh air, or using essential oils to soothe your senses.

  • Sensory rest: Taking intentional breaks from screens, noise, and constant input—closing your eyes, lying down in silence, or immersing in calming environments.

  

  
  

• What Kind of Self-Care Do You Need Right Now?

  • If you feel on edge, your nervous system may need restorative care — deep breathing, grounding, moments of stillness.

  • If you feel numb, you may need stimulating care — something that brings you joy, excitement, a spark.

  • If you feel invisible, social care might be the missing piece — reminding you that you matter beyond what you do for others.

  
  

• The Courage to Take It Back

  Society tells mothers that their worth is in how much they sacrifice. But the truth?

  A mother who cares for herself raises children who know how to do the same. A mother who replenishes herself has more to give—not from depletion, but from overflow.

  You don’t need permission to take care of yourself. You need the courage to believe that you are just as worthy of care as the little one you hold so close.

  
  

• Up Next: How to Build a Self-Care Routine That Actually Works

  In our next post, we’ll explore real, practical ways to make self-care a part of your daily life—even in the chaos of motherhood. Because you deserve to thrive, not just survive.

Up Next: How to Build a Self-Care Routine That Actually Works

In our next post, we’ll explore real, practical ways to make self-care a part of your daily life—even in the chaos of motherhood. Because you deserve to thrive, not just survive.

Henrieta

Former nurse and certified clinical aromatherapist

Sources: